My last day...

as the old me! Well so far I'm down 51lbs. Pretty good eh! Too bad I can't do this on my own and just keep it all off, however if i could have I would have before, plus I'm not eating good at all. But anyway I'm ready for a fresh new start.

Tomorrow at this time I should hopefully be done with surgery as I have to be there at 5:30 in the morning. I'm nervous as hell sometimes so bad I get sick to my stomach. I'm worried about so many things it's driving me a little crazy. Mostly I'm worried about how my kids will do, if they are going to be good, if they are going to be okay without me and how will they be if anything (God forbid) happens to me. I knew I was going to be nervous but it's eating me up inside I just worry because I want the best outcome however there's this little thought in the back of my head yelling what if something happens bad and you aren't there for your kids anymore or for Billy? It's driving me crazy! I am trying to stay positive and thankfully I have lots of people praying for me, so i know everything will be okay, but that stupid thought won't leave my head. I guess it's totally normal but I don't like it!

I have some awesome friends here that are going to bring meals for billy and the kids after the surgery so he doesn't have to worry about cooking! I think it's awesome. I really just want everything to be easy on them, thus the reason all of our Christmas shopping is done and Billy's stuff from the kids and me is already wrapped. So I think everything is in order, well at least i hope it is. So this will be my last blog for a few days unless the hospital has Internet and then i may be able to post an update. Billy is going to text people to let them know when I'm out of surgery and how it went. I'll also have my cell phone after it's all done so text me if ya want to. Please say a little prayer for me that everything goes well. and I'll chat with you all soon i hope!