Hey

I just was stopping in to check in on some of my friends blogs. I usually do it when I'm thinking of my friend Anna Calise who lost her life way too young. I think of her often and her 4 young children and it just breaks my heart that they have to continue on without her. It hurts when I think I'll never see another post on my facebook, blog, garnets site etc from her and it's been almost 4 months now. It amazes me how someone who you've only known a brief time out of your life can make such an impact on it. Anna was the one person I knew would always comment on things I wrote be it on facebook or here anywhere really. We had a very similar sense of humor mostly telling each other jokes that we knew were soooooo not politically correct but knew the other would laugh and find it hilarious because it was just a joke. We talked on the phone and she would laugh at my super southern accent and I'd joke on her how if I heard her voice in a dark alley I'd be frightened of that tough New York accent. When I heard of her passing it really made me question my faith. I had been struggling this past winter with a number of things but losing such a good person really put me over the edge. I went to bed crying the night I found out and continued asking Billy why would God do something like this. Why would he take such a devout woman away from her 4 young children and her husband who adored her? I couldn't figure it out, I couldn't understand it at all. But finally I am in a better place, I know that Anna was a believer and had Christ in her heart and although she isn't down here with her family she is with them in their hearts and watching over them. Seeing her pictures with her smiling face makes me happy. I have a bear she sent me for one of our exchanges we did over the years that says I heart NY on it. THat bear had sat on top of my hutch since I received it a few years ago. We were packing to move and I picked up that bear and I hadn't thought about it until then, that little white bear is my piece of Anna I can look at everyday (it now is on top of my tv), and be reminded of what a beautiful person Anna was inside and out. I still think of her daily and while my sadness for her loss will probably never go away, I am finally at peace with the fact that she is in heaven and no longer here with us. I do know however that Anna will forever live in my heart and the heart of so many others she touched throughout her life. She was really a wonderful person and I am blessed to have known her.

It has taken me a while to write about this as I just didn't know what to say or how to say it, I miss her, I miss our conversations, the text messages and jokes. But I know she is up above watching over all of us and looking and guiding her beautiful family!